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Retroactive Affirmations

by Jadot

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1.
Eastbound 02:17
The moving quiet in the morning on I-70, eastbound, listening to meditations— celeste and vibraphone and repetitions and repetitions And gentle-breathing-barely-snoring. Driving all around the bends of the canyon, up the mountains— the best views I have known from the driver's seat, looking out or in. I had a question that was storming in my blood—prairie dusk and orange-purple skies provided confidence in eternity— and so I asked it.
2.
July 01:15
I never liked home's summer heat— the stench of shit and industry's sludge water. Algae—bubbling green, and grumpy geese who honk away. Flat as fuck and boring, like nobody ever has a goal or makes demands of life— They watch it pass and can't complain. The morning sun and muggy air— the smoke and coffee on the stairway to the porch. Another day to live it now a nicer way.
3.
Words 02:53
Presence, patience, gestures, efforts, and least of all, I thought, words. Words are defined by the words which confine them, so least of all, I thought, words. I heard "I love you" from a friend who hurt my heart and harmed another's body and mind— but they spoke often, and with eloquence, conviction, and radiating kindness. They spoke of grace and compassion and holiness. These words taste bitter as they pass from out my lungs and over my tongue, and spill out the lips that I thought revealed my heart; But I know— they are not wrong. So I will say "I love you," while I am wrapped up in your arms before driving from your home; and again to myself, crying in my car because I miss you, though it's only been an hour alone.
4.
Beans 02:10
The absolute precision in the weighing of the beans, the finest focus on the grind, And never looking up During the timing of the pour. A sweet aroma rushing from the frothy bubbling mixture and the spreading of the steam Inspire all my sleepy senses in the morning. I have tried a trillion cups of joe but none so light and fruity as the ones that disappointed you for lacking what you sought. "This is the mind of an artist," I thought.
5.
Colder 03:46
Of course I think about the future— It's the only way my day progresses. It's difficult to carry on like this— so far-off and lonely. Almost like it isn't real— But it's always on my mind— consistency; It's why I make it through another night of snotty guests and liquor sticking to my arm hair and bits of broken glass rooted in my fingers. It will be colder and busier soon. Oh, that it were June again— 'Cause I won't have a weekend until Thanksgiving. But I am determined that by December I will leave and find it, because wherever I end up is my new home if I am with you. I promise this is real because I feel it.

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Five Poems

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released October 18, 2021

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Jadot Austin, Texas

Jadot is Mitch Stevens.

Composer/multi-instrumentalist based out of Austin, TX.

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